Ways to Annoy Sesshomaru

100 Ways to Annoy Sesshomaru (a.k.a. “100 Ways to Get Killed by Sesshomaru”)

1. Poke him and run away.
2. Ask Sesshomaru why he doesn’t own the Tetsusaiga.
3. Say how great InuYasha and the Tetsusaiga are together.
4. Ask him what the Tenseiga does.
5. Ask him if he still has his severed arm.
6. Ask him why Rin follows him around.
7. Put a flea and tick collar on him when he transforms.
8. Beg him to tell you where he gets his hair, nails, and make-up done.
9. -and when he doesn’t, throw a fit.
10. Constantly talk about how cuuute InuYasha’s doggy ears are.
11. Run circles around him-
12. -crying-
13. -about why doesn’t he have doggy ears like InuYasha!
14. Pester him about how deep down he really cares about InuYasha.
15. Sing “Sesshomaru and (your name here) sitting in a tree…” to him.
16. Hit on him overtly and embarrassingly at the worst moments possible (like when he’s fighting).
17. Put your hand to his head and say, “Do you have a fever? Because you’re HOT!”
18. Then dump a bucket of water over his head and say, “Cool down!”
19. Tell him to stop acting all proper-like.
20. Constantly question his gender and orientation.
21. Ask him about Kagura.
22. Ask him about “that night at Naraku’s.”
23. Ask him if he thinks Naraku’s actually good-looking.
24. Wrap yourself in his fluff.
25. Stroke his fluff and murmur in his ear, “Fluuuuffy,” while he’s asleep.
26. Wake him up every half-hour and in the morning ask how he slept.
27. Dress Jaken like Shippo and Rin like Kagome.
28. Place an apple on his head as you prep a bow and arrow and tell him you’re practicing your aim so you can be like Kagome.
29. Since Sesshomaru ardently detests humans, launch into a long, boring speech about how we have them to thank for all the technological advancements of today.
30. Some fans say Sessh would be offended if he were called by his nickname, Fluffy. So call him Fluffy! Dance around him singing, “I love my Fluffy! My Lord of the Puppies! My puppy-pie! My Fluffy! We all fall down!” Or, “How much is that Fluffy in the window? The one with the puffy tail? How much is that Fluffy in the window? Oh, I hope that Fluffy’s for sale!”
31. Practice the Wind Scar on him with a stick.
32. Steal his fluff.
33. Dye his hair pink while he’s sleeping.
34. Have him play House with you saying that you’re the mommy, he’s the daddy, Rin’s the baby, and Jaken’s the…uh…family bumpy thingy.
35. Dress him in women’s clothes while he’s asleep and take pictures of him.
36. Ask him if the fluff’s actually armpit hair.
37. Point in the opposite direction and scream, “Look, it’s InuYasha!”
38. Then go, “Oh, it’s only Jaken in a bunny-suit.”
39. Tell him he looks like a girl at first glance.
40. Tell Sessh he looks like InuYasha from behind and afar.
41. Play Truth or Dare with him. Should he choose Truth ask him if he’s related to Sephiroth, the One-Winged Angel, from Final Fantasy. (It’s the hair!)
42. If he picks Dare, tell him to go up to Naraku and declare his love.
43. Scream, “Sesshomaru-sama!” every time he walks into a room.
44. Take  him to an anime convention-
45. -full of Sesshomaru fan girls.
46. Or, better yet, full of InuYasha fan girls.
47. Send him and InuYasha to family counseling (make sure the counselor’s insured).
48. Sigh wistfully as you drool on his fluff and stare at him.
49. Ask him how he keeps his hair so soft and manageable.
50. Ask him why he had to make the Tokijin.
51. Play “I’m Too Sexy” when he walks into a room.
52. Play “Who Let the Dogs Out?” when he transforms-
53. -and encourage him to bark along.
54. Ask him if he’s related to Yoko Kurama from YuYu Hakusho. (It’s the hair again!)
55. Tickle him with his fluff.
56. Try to pass him off as your boyfriend in his presence and in public.
57. Ask him why he hasn’t killed InuYasha yet.
58. Dance around him singing, “Eeny, meeny, miney, puff, catch Sesshomaru by his fluff! If he snarls run away and you might live another day!”
59. Release a squirrel in front of him and hold back your giggles as he has to fight the urge to chase after it.
60. Paint his nails day-glow orange while he’s asleep.
61. Steal his clothes (fluff included) while he’s bathing.
62. Play with his hair at the oddest moments.
63. And braid it.
64.  Make him wear a lei with your name on it and refuse to tell him the symbolism.
65.Show him the “You Know You’re Obsessed With Sesshomaru When…” list.
66. Call him an S.O.B. and say it’s not really insulting since that’s what he is.
67. Wear the lei from the “You Know You’re Obsessed With Sesshomaru When…” list and tell him and everyone around you its significance.
68. Pester him about his “growing compassion.”
69. Ask him if he knows what breed of dog he is.
70. And if Sessh doesn’t/says it’s none of your business, ask him if his ancestors were swingers and if that makes him a mutt.
71. And if he’s a mutt, ask him if that really makes him any better than InuYasha, who at least had a “thorough-breed” Japanese mother.
72. Take him to a dog park.
73. And snicker when the other dogs go yelping away in fear.
74. Or if he has to growl to prove his dominance.
75. Have him read your gag comics/fan-fics/odes to him.
76. And act them out.
77. Tease him about his fluff.
78. Play the I’m-Not-Touching-You game on him with a stick. (Unless you want to lose your finger.)
79. Wear your “Sesshomara” costume around him and use his quotes.
80. Blow a dog whistle and snicker when he freaks out.
81. Tell him how you honestly didn’t hear anything. (Rin could probably back you up since she’s human.)
82. Then blow the whistle over and over again asking Sessh what his problem is.
83. Play the “Butterfly” song around him and sing along…calling him your “samurai.”
84. When he’s asleep, draw two vertical stripes over the horizontal ones on his cheeks and invite Rin or Jaken to come over and play tic-tac-toe with you. (Make sure you’re not the one holding the marker when Sesshomaru wakes up.)
85. Play Truth or Dare with him again and this time when he picks Truth ask if the fluff’s actually a childhood security-blanket.
86. Should he choose Dare, tell him to kiss you. If Sesshomaru refuses say, “See! I knew you were queer!” or “I understand, Sesshomaru. You’re saving yourself for Naraku.”
87. And if he gives you one of those one-second-peck-on-the-head jobs go, “Oh, Sesshomaru! You know you want me!”
88. Take him to Fantastic Sams and, when everyone turns around to stare at the demon with the incredibly long (and silky) mane, squeal, “It’s gotta be the hair!”  
89. Lock him and InuYasha in room with their claws tied and no weapons at all.
90. Ask him why he’s so sullen and conflicted and if he was loved enough as a child.
91. If Sessh tells you to shut-up and get away from him go, “Aw, it’s okay! I’m here!” and give him a big, warm hug!
92. Or if he says that he did get a substantial amount of care growing up say, “Well, it obviously wasn’t enough!” and continue to ooze more sap on him than a Vermont maple tree.
93. Tug on his pointy ears and constantly ask if they’re real.
94. Ask him why he didn’t get a part in The Last Samurai / Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
95. Ask Sesshomaru why his dust-cloud’s pink and not some strong masculine color.
96. Drag him to a dog show and sign him up for the “Best Groomed” category.
97. Take him to the dentist to get braces for his fangs. (Make sure the dentist is insured.)
98. Ask him if he’s still a virgin, and if he is-
99. Ask him why.
100. Show him this list.